the geography of their bodies.

ive spent the last three days with my dying grandfather. everything is so intense. im so exhausted but i cant be away from him. i got back from his house an hour ago and im going back at half time. i have so many things to say about all of it but mostly i am at peace. he raised 8 children and 20-odd grandkids, helped teach me to pick crabs, showed me not to be afraid of jumping off uncle kenny’s dock at the crab feast when i wore that little mermaid bathing suit. rocking in the pink recliner, summers at the beach, the house on 95th street in ocean city, the house on rolander street, “clean plates club,” the roses in the front yard.

two mornings ago i stood in his kitchen making a cup of coffee. i knew where everything was. that felt so significant to me. i love my grandfather to the moon and back.

my cousin steve and i have a feeling that tonight’s the night. we will most likely drink a few heinekens and hold his hands even though they are so clammy. it’s unreal.

i will live my life with you in the back of my head, grandpa. teaching me to always be brave, to stand up for myself. showing me what a true, loving, genuine marriage looks like. i appreciate everything you have ever done. every “zo-zo!”, every “get outta here!”, and every “i love you, sweet girl.” i won’t forget any of it.

here’s to you, Bernard “Reds” Swann. have a safe journey. it’s time to join “your bride.” i love you.